Having GAD — generalized anxiety disorder — is like having poison ivy. Though it bothers you, the best thing you can do is not scratch it; if you scratch it, it gets worse. And, like poison ivy, not scratching it is easier said than done.
Here’s what happens. You feel distressed. You want to do something about it. You want to GET RID of the distress. That means you need to attack the cause. Here is where a mistake takes place: you (falsely) identify the cause as something you need to get rid of, or do something about, because of this: the cause of GAD is something basic. It is caused — not by things going on in your life — but by NOT having something you should have gotten in the first year or two of your life.
We have long suspected that the relationship between mother and child can prevent anxiety problems by immunizing the child to anxiety. And, if the mother doesn’t know how to automatically calm her own anxieties, she can’t teach her child. That is what we suspected, and now we have brain scan studies which prove that.
The kind of thing that needs to happen in the first two years of life is, when the baby gets upset, the mother has the built-in ability (built-in from HER relationship with HER mother) to tune into the baby’s feels. That attunement is picked up by the baby, and it calms the baby.
In other words, it is not what the mother does. It is that the mother’s mind can tune to the baby’s mind. THAT is what immunizes the baby. That is what lets the baby know it is not alone.mIt is the attunement that builds-in immunization from anxiety problems twenty — and more — years later.
Now, back to the poison ivy. Without that automatic ability to calm your fears that comes from this early connection being built-in, you have GAD. Then, because THINGS seem to be the problem (they are because anxiety about them is not automatically dealt with), you try to attack those things that seem to be the problem.
And, no matter how many you attack, you STILL have GAD. In fact, the more of them you attack, the more of them you build up in your mind as being problems. The more problems, the more stress hormones. The more stress hormones, the more anxiety. The more anxiety, the more you try to attack the problem.
It is a vicious cycle. Just like poison ivy. The more you scratch it, the worse it gets.
What is the answer?
The real answer is this: “prevention is better than intervention”. The answer is producing the automatic built-in soothing that was not available early in life. That is not just about flying, but in other areas as well. But, when you learn to build-in security for flying, you learn what you need to apply it elsewhere.
Built-in soothing works automatically and unconsciously. Since anxiety is produced by unconscious processes, we can only stop it by changing those unconscious processes. We do have the means to teach you how to give yourself the ability control these feelings automatically. I’m sure you will be more than pleased because the results are truly amazing!
A good way to start is by signing up for our online video and counseling program, Rapid Relief. If you want to put an end of this problem, take a look. It is at http://www.fearofflying.com/relief
